Aizen the Great Captain
by Neo Juste Belmont
Summary: Aizen is singing his own version of Monty Python's Lumberjack Song! With Hinamori as his best girl and various captains doing the chorus! OOCness ensue. Send in your comments!


AIZEN THE GREAT CAPTAIN  
When Aizen tries his own version of Monty Python's Lumberjack Song!

NJB: Well here's a crappy one-shot as a tribute to the Lumberjack Song. Lyrics go off and there, I'm really not good in modifying a song… So please, give me constructive criticism outta this. Thank you very much.

xxxx

One day in Soul Society, Aizen did his job as the Captain of the 5th Division so well that Yamamoto soutaichou called him for a certain 'promotion', by visiting his room.

"Aizen-taichou, you have done really well." Yamamoto said, "Therefore, I shall grant you the privilege to attain a new title higher than Captains newly created by the Central 46… High Captain. The ceremony starts tomorrow."

"HIGH CAPTAIN!?" Aizen said in disbelief. He then held Yamamoto tight on his shoulders, "But the Central 46 said there are more positions, and High Captain isn't the highest!"

"But you've got to advance slowly, one by one…"

"Screw this!" Aizen released his hold and walks away, "I never wanted to have that position in the first place! I want to be… A Great Captain!"

"A great captain?" Yamamoto asked before Aizen started speaking with loud voices and out of nowhere, pianos started to play.

"Beating Hollows to Hollows! As they get sent to the mighty blood rivers of Hell!"

"Fishbone D!"

"Acidwire!"

"Hexapodus!"

"Shrieker!"

"Bulbous G!"

"Grand Fisher!"

"With my best girl by my side!" Aizen then gestured to his vice captain, Hinamori Momo, who was passing by. Of course, she shrieked happily and went to her captain's side, hands held together in happiness. Aizen continued, "We'd sing! Sing! Sing!"

"Yay! Aizen-taichou, I love you!" Hinamori cheered. Aizen then started singing…

_Oh, I'm a Great Captain and I'm okay  
I sleep all night and I work all day._

And out of nowhere came Captains Ichimaru Gin, Unohana Retsu, Kuchiki Byakuya, Shunsui Kyouraku, Hitsugaya Toushirou, Zaraki Kenpachi, Kurotsuchi Mayuri and Ukitate Jushirou. They lined up and sang the chorus of the song.

_He's a Great Captain and he's okay._

Suddenly, Ukitate coughed. But the song went on.

_He sleeps all night and he works all day._

Aizen then continued his part, he didn't care that Yamamoto has left the room, leaving them to sing themselves.

_I beat Hollows, I drink my tea,  
I go to the lavatory  
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'  
And have buttered scones for lunch._

And the Captains repeated the line.

_He beats Hollows, he drinks his tea,  
He goes to the lavatory  
On Wednesdays he goes shoppin'  
And have buttered scones for lunch._

The Captains sang the chorus again…

_He's a Great Captain and he's okay._

Ukitate coughed. The chorus stopped as Unohana said in worry, "Ukitate-taichou, would you like some medicine?"

Of course, Shunsui didn't miss the chance to flirt, "Ah! Unohana-chan!" He said, holding his stomach, "Can you hand me that wonderful medicine? I think I'm kinda…"

Kenpachi stopped Shunsui's flirting with a bash on the head, "No need for medicines. He's a Captain and he's okay." Gin only grinned.

Byakuya then gave a reminder, "The song's still on…" And so, the chorus continued

_He sleeps all night and he works all day._

Aizen then continued to the next one…

_I beat Hollows, I make evil plots,  
I'll kill the Central 46.  
I'll abuse the Hougyoku,  
And stab Momo to death. _

Hinamori felt rather uneasy at that point. But, the Captains repeated again…

_He beats Hollows, he makes evil plots,  
He'll kill the Central 46.  
He'll abuse the Hougyoku,  
And stab Momo... to death??_

As the Captains said the last line, they stared at each other, in confusion of where has the song gone into. When Hitsugaya recalled the part of stabbing Hinamori to death, he went on an outburst and roared, "AAARRRGGGHHH!! You bas…"

Before Hitsugaya could attack Aizen, he was restrained by Byakuya and Kenpachi. Unohana assured him, "Calm down, Hitsugaya-taichou. At least let us do one more chorus and see what's going on." Remembering the 'Kill the Central 46 part', Shunsui also felt suspicious. Nevertheless, the chorus continued.

_He's a Great Captain and he's okay._

Ukitate coughed again. This ticked Mayuri off and he warned him before they continued the chorus, "Ukitate-taichou, stop coughing. It's annoying!"

_He sleeps all night and he works all day._

And Aizen was in his final part. In the middle of it, Hinamori already started crying.

_I rule HM, I wear high heels,  
Suspenders and a bra.  
I wish I'd been an Arrancar  
Just like that Ulquiorra. _

The chorus attempted to repeat it again.

_He rules HM, he wears high heels  
Suspenders and a ... a Bra??_

Realizing that the song had gone into the point of total ridiculousness, they stopped singing and some of them prepared to leave. Byakuya sighed, "Bah. What a waste of time."

"Che. You're really a prissy pansy, you know that?" Kenpachi said, thinking of the high heels and bra part, "I'm outta here."

"Oh my… I wasted 2 minutes for this useless thing." Mayuri also regretted, "What a waste."

It was then Ukitate pointed out the obvious, "A conspiracy!" He coughed a bit before continuing, "We have found a conspiracy!"

Shunsui backed him up, "Quick! We gotta call Yama-jii!"

Gin confronted Aizen and said, "Ah. I changed my mind on working with you. I'd rather be Rangiku's slave. See ya later, Aizen. Sorry."

Unohana displayed the scary face she used to show to the 11th Division previously to Aizen, "I'm afraid that there'll be no medical or burial treatments for you, Aizen."

Hitsugaya only glared him with murderous look, "If you ever try to stab Hinamori… I'll lop off your head."

Afterwards, the Captains headed outside. Later, the Seireitei was filled with shouts, "A TRAITOR!! A TRAITOR HAS BEEN REVEALED!! AIZEN IS A TRAITOR-IN-MAKING!!!"

But Aizen continued with the song, ignorant of Hinamori's bawling.

_I wish I'd been an Arrancar  
Just like that Ulquiorra._

"WAAAHHH!" Hinamori cried loudly as Aizen stopped, "Aizen-taichou, I thought you're so rugged and awesome!! This way, I'd rather be with Shiro-chan! WAAHH!!" She ran away, wiping the tears on her face, as Aizen looked completely puzzled.

"What the…"

And in the next day, instead of a promotion ceremony, an execution in the hill where the Soukyoku was located took place instead…

THE END

NJB: Well there you go. Send in your comments! Also... HM stands for Hueco Mundo, but I have to shorten it to match with the rhyme.


End file.
